Pancreatic Cancer survivor offers 5 ways in which you can be supportive to someone going through cancer.

November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month – Lucy Rout, a 26-year-old Pancreatic Cancer survivor, Entrepreneur and Founder of Tabuu – offers 5 ways in which you can be supportive to someone going through cancer.

When someone close to you receives a cancer diagnosis, it’s almost impossible to know what to say. You want to do everything you possibly can to be supportive, you want to be able to fix it, and you can be worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. From my experience, here are 5 ways I felt most supported when I was going through my recovery:

1. Don’t ask for details, be led by them

There’s an awful lot to process and having to retell the story or provide regular updates can be stressful and upsetting. Focus on general questions that will allow your loved one to feel like themselves, rather than a poorly patient. It may sound strange but chatting to someone about a Netflix series or even a funny date you’ve recently been on, can really help to allow that person to feel a sense of normality. Let them know you are there and know that if they want to talk to you about any details, they must do so, only on their terms.

2. Sometimes, it really is as simple as sending a text to say ‘Hi’

I was lucky enough to receive amazing gifts – flowers and beyond, for which I was incredibly grateful. However, often, the things that meant the most, were simple texts to say hello. Even if I wasn’t up to replying, these gentle reminders of how loved you are, make a huge difference. Sometimes having someone to come and sit quietly with you for half an hour, again can mean absolutely everything.

3. Respect their boundaries

When I was unwell, people were so kind and eager to help, that sometimes I found they would answer questions for me or make assumptions on my behalf, which can leave you feeling out of control. If your loved one is a little slower than usual, allow them the time they need to respond and try not to answer for them, unless they would like you to or clearly need the support. Feeling empowered during small moments at a time where you already feel very out of control of your body, makes a huge difference to your mindset.

4. Focus on things they can do

There will likely be some things that your loved one isn’t able to do but be there to help focus on the things they can. Whether it’s listening to music, offering to paint their nails, perhaps even reading them an upbeat and funny story, small moments of joy can be seriously powerful. The same goes for gifts, perhaps they can’t eat a certain thing or use their favourite skincare now, but maybe they’re able to be treated to a great new audiobook that you could listen to together? There will be something, it just may take a little more thought and creativity, but it will most likely, make their day.

5. Recognise that you don’t have all the answers, and that’s ok

A diagnosis doesn’t just affect the person going through it, it can have a huge emotional toll on those around them – take it from me – the wellbeing of friends and family becomes a huge concern. Your loved one will sometimes feel they are being a burden to you and will want you to take the time and support you need to process what is happening. If that means breaking down together or having a friend or relative nearby to support them, just remember your loved one will want the best for you, in the same respect as you do for them.